Lamont Diaries continued
Mr. Personality, Lamont, thinks he is the Big Dog of D.C.
My pal, Mr. Personality, Lamont, has let his misconception of the human-canine power relationship go to his big-snouted head.
Today, as usual, Lamont and I went on our early evening constitutional to Abe Lincoln Park for Lamont's veterinarian recommended daily cardiovascular regiment.
During this evening's canine cocktail hour, when a few dozen other neighborhood dogs and their humans routinely gather, Lamont squeezed in some socializing into his otherwise packed schedule.
The prodigiously snouted Mr. Personality, Lamont, thinks he is the big dog on the D.C. scene
Today was a rather boisterous crowd, and Lamont and his pals went to considerable lengths jostling and competing to be the center of attention.
There was a lot of the dog equivalent of throwing people in the swimming pool, drinking in excess, batting of eyelashes and flexing of muscles.
Lamont, all eight inches tall, ten pounds when wet of him, thinks he is the Big Dog on the Capitol Hill high powered social scene.
And he proceeded to demonstrate this to his canine competition, all of whom were trying to get the prettiest girls to choose them to make out with behind the trees.
Lamont decided on a unique strategy.
He scanned the crowd of humans and made his selection. Then he fixed his gaze on the eyes of their canine companions, and, keeping them locked on his competition, sauntered over to their humans.
And nonchalantly peed on their legs.
At least four of them. As if Lamont was making clear who owned whom at this gala gathering.
One of those who Lamont strutted up to and brazenly peed on was me. Which was a bit ridiculous, as I long ago agreed to go steady with Lamont.
This unusual tactic was met by a loud silence, the party goers having never experienced such creative audacity, and no one was quite sure how to respond.
Once Lamont had the full attention of the gathering, he swaggered over to his selection of canine playmate of the day, and the other dogs backed off.
And Lamont took her paw and they skipped off to rumble and frolic in the bushes together, while the jealous but awed cream of the Washington dog power elite simply stared in amazement, speechless . ■