Lamont Diaries continued
September 4, 2012
Lamont Shows Early Warning Signs of a Compulsive Substance Abuser
I am distraught to report my pal, Lamont, is showing early warning signs of a compulsive substance abuser. In particular, a penchant for experimenting with dangerous prescription narcotics for recreational purposes.
Lamont has repeatedly surreptitiously pilfered, and then secretly stashed, and then consumed alone, several child–but not Lamont–proof powerful prescription narcotics bottles.
And it is clear his attraction is the high he gets from the reckless consumption and recreational abuse of the narcotic containers. I have busted Lamont repeatedly not only in possession of empty "Class D" narcotics bottles, but the poor boy was so desperate and addled, he was eating the plastic containers. All Red Flags of a hard core addict.
Lamont Suffering the Consequences of his Addictive Behavior
These medications, aside from their healing medicinal properties, also have well known recreational use potential. (You will just have to trust me on this. I know about these things.). According to my personal research, if the 10 pound Mutt, Lamont, split one tablet in half of this particular medication and consumed it, he might remain wide eyed awake for many days. And knowing Lamont, it could be weeks.
What poses the biggest concern to Lamont's friends, family, and the community at large, is Lamont could become umpteen fold perkier than he currently is, and continuously on full alert. He could jabber and yap at an even faster than current rate, and ratchet up his already unhealthy levels of uncontrollable endless wiggling, wagging, playing with balls and indiscriminate, promiscuous smooching. When it comes to Lamont, this is a deeply disturbing, frightening state to envision him in.
If the definition of an addict is doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same negative result, then Lamont is clinical. These personality traits are manifested in Lamont not only in stealing and consuming pill bottles, but by chasing squirrels and eating the food off my plate when I am not looking.
I am at my wit's end as Lamont consumes every empty plastic narcotic prescription container he can get his paws on and seems utterly unable to control this high risk behavior.
In addition, by doing so, Lamont is committing illegal acts I fear will result in his incarceration for a long stretch in the Big House.
These aren't just any pill bottles. These are "Class D" designated narcotics containers–the most monitored, scrutinized, regulated, enforced, prosecuted, and penalized drug category in America.
Lamont is not supposed to be eating containers of "Class D" drugs. The Feds have multi-billion dollar budgets to hunt you down and spank you very painfully for doing so.
It is a felony punishable by 20 years in the Big House to be in possession of a prescription bottle without ones name on the label of a "Class D" narcotic bottle and in possession of a photo ID. Lamont does not have a photo ID and his name was certainly not on these bottles (I checked).
And that is for a first offense. As for the repeat offender thing, it would be less than honest to say I haven't busted Lamont on more than one occasion, which subjects me to charges of intentionally aiding and abetting a felon.
So Lamont, a felon at 4 months old, is exhibiting all the signs of an addictive personality. And sucking me into potentially suffering legal penalties for his reckless conduct. And Lamont knows it because I have told him over and over and Lamont has ignored avoiding the inevitable negative consequences of his repetitive behavior, the sure warning sign of an addict.
Lamont is currently napping peacefully on the couch. Which may be the side effects of the contents of the other prescription pill bottle I caught Lamont consuming. ■