The Lamont Diaries continued:
This is a Special News Bulletin.
Lamont for North Korean Dear Leader in 2012!
My pal, Lamont, the swashbuckling young whippersnapper, who recently has vaulted into the international spotlight as a creative problem solver and peace negotiator, has announced he has solved the long vexing riddle of just what the fuck is wrong with North Korea; a conundrum that has long left the properly organized world flummoxed.
Like all brilliant philosophers, Lamont's answer is frighteningly simple. They have eaten all the Lamonts.
North Korea, Lamont has concluded, in a rigid peer reviewed academic research study, is the only country on the planet where there are no dogs.
Because they ate them all.
And, therefore, the entire nation suffers from an alarming deficiency in smooches per capita.
As a result, being the selfless internationalist cross species public servant that is Lamont, he has declared an abrupt special election and announced he is a candidate for North Korean Supreme Leader.
The official title is Grand Poobah, which Lamont thought up himself. His campaign slogan is: "Two smooches on every couch by 2013!! (plus a couch)"
To add gravity to his electoral ticket, he has chosen Uncle Buddy as his Vice Grand Poobah.
The news has been met with widespread support in the village communal dining halls throughout the nation, with spontaneous dirt street demonstrations reportedly breaking out countrywide.
This is a remarkable development, given North Korea—besides being the only country with no dogs—is also the planet's only country with no internet.
Lamont would welcome your support.
Vote Lamont as Pyongyang's next Dear Leader in 2012!!! ■