Lamont Diaries continued:
July 29
Lamont Smashes a Neighborhood Crime Ring
Recently my pal, Lamont, insisted I accompany him on an early Sunday morning constitutional. I wasn't at my best, still bleary eyed as I stumbled out the gate of Lamont's villa into the adjacent alleyway.
Attached to my leash, I muttered half-hearted complaints as I was reluctantly dragged forward by the annoyingly perky Lamont.
The ritual began as usual. First Lamont peed. Then he sniffed randomly. Then he grabbed an empty plastic soda bottle and, with a triumphant swagger, held it high and trotted at a determined, confident pace onward, happy to breathe the fresh air of a new day, unconcerned as we went deeper into the bowels of the mean urban alleyways of Washington D.C.
It may seem odd to feel safer when accompanied by an 8 inch high 10 pound mutt, but I do by virtue of the sheer force of Lamont's infectiously likeable personality.
Who can resist being on their best behavior when confronted by such a pure revolutionary receptacle—uninfected and undaunted by the evil that lurks in the heart of man? Lamont has a proven track record of disarming the dark side and bringing out the smooches that yearn to break free in even the most jaded of humans.
We rounded the corner of the alley, lined with garbage cans, untended patches of grass, and rear entrances to houses.
Ahead on the right was an odd sight. There, outside the back gate of a neighboring abode was an unattended bicycle on its kickstand. On the ground was a bike helmet and a knapsack. And the door to the fenced backyard was wide open.
The early summer Sunday morning remained silent and nobody seemed to be stirring.
Lamont insisted on a closer look-see.
He tugged me closer and proceeded to sniff the bike. His ears stiffened on alert. He stared at the open back door and insisted on a thorough inspection, demanding we enter the private premises, dismissing my protestations that he had no authority to enter without an invitation.
Lamont poked his head through the gate, peering around the corner while I tugged back.
"Lamont! we are not going in there. That isn't your house."
Lamont doesn't seem to respect the concept of private ownership and assumes he is wanted wherever he desires to go. He whimpered and focused on someone on the other side of the gate.
I dug in my heels and a battle of the wills commenced. Considering I have 200 pounds on Lamont, he is at a disadvantage in this type of contest. But he didn't surrender quietly.
What I didn't know, of which the caped crusader Lamont was trying to convey to me, was that a crime was in progress. Hiding behind that fence were a duo of trembling thugs with felonious intentions who were engaged in violating the sanctity of the safety of a fellow citizens home.
And Lamont wanted to have a word with them.
Lamont on duty patrolling the perimeter of his neighborhood Area of Operation
He caused a ruckus as I forced an ignoble retreat, and reluctantly, under duress, accompanied me back to our estate.
The thugs, disconcerted by their public exposure, fled promptly after we disappeared around the corner, abandoning their ill gotten treasures, leaving the bike and their cache in their terrified wake, their dark intentions exposed to the harsh glare of scrutiny by Lamont,the canine crime fighter.
The fearless super hero, the imperturbable Lamont, had smashed a neighborhood crime ring single pawedly.
The ill intentioned felons, quaking in their Nikes, fled never to return within the security perimeter of Lamont's AO.
And the infirm, elderly and vulnerable, living in fear behind their double bolted locks and door chains, were free once again from being terrorized hostages in their own homes.
When the neighbors realized it was the young peacemaker, Lamont, who had come to their rescue and aborted the robbery in progress, saving their bicycles, he was duly rewarded with plenty of smooches and cookies.
Lamont seemed befuddled by all the attention. It was just a routine adventure for Lamont, who leads by example. After all, to Lamont, doing the right thing just comes naturally.
All before, if I was alone, I would have emerged from underneath the security of my blankets. ■