Lamont Diaries continued
September 2, 2012
Lamont's Covert Plot Foiled
My pal, Lamont, has apparently devised what can only be described as a flawlessly executed, fiendishly devious, meticulously well organized, shockingly deceptive, strategically pre-planned, and unspeakably, smoke-coming-out-the ears annoying scheme worthy of a big budgeted psychological warfare program of a major Superpower.
Lamont has had me convinced for months that he has been successfully house trained.
And therefore both in need and deserving of an inordinate number of daily lengthy strolls through the neighborhood and romps in the Abraham Lincoln dog park to encourage and ensure his nascent housebroken skills were fully, irreversibly ingrained.
And that he deserved considerable rewards for his prompt, full cooperation.
In fact, Lamont appears through this entire time, to have located a well ventilated, rarely used closet to conduct his business at his will and leisure, identifying it as the perfect crime scene where he could both covertly poop at his leisure, avoiding detection, AND continue to forward the dastardly lie that he was fully housebroken.
And therefore continue to be compensated by being rewarded with a copious number of daily jaunts to partake in outdoor fresh air recreation opportunities as both a necessity and a well deserved reward.
Well, Lamont pal, your dastardly gig is up. ■