Lamont Diaries continued
July 5
Lamont Crushes an International Spy Ring
This evening my pal, Lamont, crushed an international spy network threatening the very heart of international Freedom and Liberty.
The Young Lamont was taking me on our daily constitution through Abraham Lincoln park, in the shadow of the Capitol and the White House, when he caught sight of a tall man with a military bearing entering the park.
The man stared straight ahead with a grim, cold expression while tightly gripping the hand of a five year old girl. There was something awkward, incongruous about the two.
Lamont, fixed a gaze on the man, appraised him, then ignored him, and focused his attention on the little girl and, smiling and wiggling, headed her way.
As the 8 inch tall, five pounds when wet Lamont neared the unlikely duo, he slowed, wiggling his tail furiously, and whimpered a friendly greeting as he approached the little girl, who smiled.
The man, without breaking stride, or uttering a word, gave Lamont a swift kick with his jackboot, sending the momentarily confused Young Lamont flying through the air landing on his back on the concrete pathway.
I swiftly scooped up the aggrieved but unfazed Young Lamont, who smooched me vociferously.
The man never broke stride or uttered a word and kept his gaze fixed ahead and his back to us, gripping tightly his young charge, who he dragged along as his pace quickened.
Lamont fixed his gaze on the back of the man's head and growled, then resumed smooching me.
"Who the fuck do you think you are kicking Lamont?" I demanded from the human beast.
The Canine Superhero, Lamont, at rest between international covert assignments
The man stopped and turned around. A scar ran from his right ear to the corner of his mouth on his pockmarked face. And then he sneered, in a thick Russian accent: "You put dog on leash."
"Hey Pal, dogs are free in this country. Perhaps you should consider letting your people off their leash," I retorted, rather smugly satisfied with my spontaneous wit.
By this time, people nearby became aware of the burgeoning kerfuffle.
"You kicked Lamont?" said Finnegan's human who was nearby.
"You animal!" barked Bowser's companion.
"You dog!," said grumpy's owner. Then took it back.
Lamont had alerted The People to an enemy threat attempting to infiltrate the very pulsing heart of Freedom.
The KGB agent was witnessing his worst nightmare appear before him, the shattering collapse of his sordid mission.
It was obvious that was not his daughter, but merely a cold, calculated, cynical diversion to give him cover. He was on assignment for a dead letter drop in the park and his anonymity had been exposed to the harsh glare of public scrutiny, by the freelance international public servant, Lamont.
The Secret Agent's furtive, killer eyes morphed into a momentary look of terror and shifted rapidly as he scanned the horizon, now grown darker from the gathering canines and their outraged humans, for a quick getaway.
On the other side of the statue of "honest" Abe Lincoln, I noticed a lone man on a park bench paying particular attention to the minor rumble 20 meters away. He seemed to be whispering into his watch on his wrist.
Lamont growled a more confident, prolonged protestation. And barked at the enemy freedom.
The Russian spy, probably a hit man, grabbed his hostage tightly by the hand and fled, exiting the park and slipping into the shadows.
The man on the park bench failed to act nonchalantly as he rolled up his newspaper and exited the park, feigning a stroll, as he quickened his pace heading the opposite direction.
The people gathered around the hero, the Great Lamont, and gave him smooches, cookies, and water.
Lamont, never one to pat himself on the back, gave an "aw shucks, it was nothing!" look to His People, put on his cape, head held high, and strutted his bad self on home.
It was just another day in the life of the canine superhero.
July 6
Addendum to the above Lamont Diary entry:
As an addendum to yesterdays Lamont Diaries, where my pal, Lamont, crushed a Russian spy network operating in Capitol Hill's Abraham Lincoln dog park (see earlier post), the park was cordoned off shortly thereafter by swarms of law enforcement who descended upon it with a joint police bomb squad, shutting down nearby streets and diverting traffic into the night.
They had found a suspicious abandoned suitcase.
Rumor on the street is that the canine superhero, Lamont, may be nominated for a Congressional Medal of Honor (or its canine equivalent) for thwarting the dastardly plot to extinguish the flame on the candle of freedom.
I am not making this up (well, most of it….) ■