Lamont Beats Up a Great Dane–and Loses
My midget, big snouted, bow-legged, unemployed, black, illegal immigrant, pan-sexual mongrel pal, Lamont, has a few life lessons that need to be pounded into him before he realizes that Earth does not spin on the axis he seems to think it does.
Tonight the 8 inch tall ten pound mutt tried to beat up a Great Dane. That didn't go so well.
Lamont, I have concluded, is a racist. He has a problem with pure breeds. My analysis is he thinks they have an unearned, unwarranted sense of entitlement. So Lamont expresses himself.
He sauntered over to the Great Dane, lept in the air, and attached his jaws to the beast's neck. The huge canine took Lamont into the gentle grip of his massive jaws and threw him airborne. And then sat on him until Lamont squealed Uncle.
The mutt is lucky he isn't dead or in jail.
Lamont repaired between my legs in a tactical retreat and then exhibited a fairly ridiculous show of absurd resistance growling in loud, faux-viscous protest.
Still unclear on the concept, Lamont kept his eye on the huge canine and concocted a counter strategy. After a few minutes, while the Great Dane wasn't looking, he sauntered over to its human—and peed on her leg.
Satisfied, he decided to call it an early night and he strutted his bad self on home. Where he knew he could continue his ridiculous charade of a worldview unquestioned, with cookies to boot. ■